Worried

I shed a few tears last night before I went to sleep. I’m admitting this at the risk of sounding girly. I’m worried about my Grandad. We went to visit him last night and I can’t help but feel that he is resigned to ending his days in hospital. He is so close to getting out but he clearly seems to have given up hope. He’s not eating as he should and it’s starting to show in terms of his body weight and his energy levels.

He’s also obviously missing my Grandmother. Unfortunately, to take him to her is impossible and to bring her to him is inviting anarchy and trouble as she will inevitably refuse to go back into hospital and it will all end in an ugly scene where she is carted off by medical staff. The horrors of dementia.

I’m going to visit her tonight with my sister and I expect that we’ll be met with the same guilt trip as we usually are. “I can’t believe you did this to me”, “why did you put me away?”, “I looked after you both as bairns. All your life.” etc etc. It’s heartbreaking and there is no reasoning with her. If you highlight the reasons why she is in hospital (e.g. turning up in other peoples houses etc) then she just denies it. This is naturally due to the fact that she can’t actually remember.

I know I said this would not turn into a dementia blog but I felt the need to vent today. I’m watching the decline of two people whom I love very much and it hurts. Badly.

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