Yesterday morning I travelled to Glasgow. Alighting at Queen Street I thought I should pay a visit to the gents prior to leaving the station. The ‘Superloos’ as they are known. 20p to get in. That’s posh.
Anyway (and stop reading now if you don’t appreciate toilet humour), in I go and find a free cubicle. So far so good.
So I’m sitting there and I become very aware of the guy in the next cubicle. It would be difficult not to. He sounds like he’s giving birth to a baby elephant. All grunting and straining. Poor bloke sounds like he’s in labour.
All of a sudden, over the top of his wounded animal cries, I hear Boston’s “More than a Feeling” blaring away. The ringtone on my neighbours mobile phone. It goes for ages before he answers it.
Next thing I know, he’s having a full blown business meeting on the phone in the bogs at Queen Street station. What’s more, it sounded pre-arranged. He’s gone to the bog in the full knowledge that a client or supplier is going to be getting on the blower to him any minute.
Made me think twice about phoning anyone again. You never know what they’ll be up to. To be fair, after all his grunting it sounded like he needed to be phoning an ambulance rather than taking an incoming business call.
Fast forward a day, and I am sitting in the living room at daft o’clock watching “Bullseye” on Virgin TV. It’s a new, revamped version hosted by Dave Spikey of ‘Phoenix Nights’ fame.
Poor old Dave. He puts up a brave fight but the programme is dead in the water. You can only sound so excited about a pair of contestants winning £108 between them before being eliminated. I’m sure back in 1981 that was a lot of money, but these days that won’t cover their rail fares to appear on the show.
Funniest moment had to be the lady who, when asked to spell cafeteria, offered up the amusing C-A-T-H-E-T-E-R-I-A. There’s on to have you clutching your urinary tract (if possible). Maybe the only cafe she’s been in was run by a woman called Cath. You never know I suppose.
Needless to say, she was eliminated early doors.
On to the red/black board. “Keep out of the black and into the red, you get nothing in this game for two in a bed.”
The prizes on offer on the special prize board looked like an Argos fire sale. I half expected a job lot of Elizabeth Duke jewellery. Instead, we were treated to such delights as a frying pan set, a retro atari console and a hoover. The prizes had “straight onto eBay” written all over them.
Embarrassing.
The special prize by the way was a “games room set”. A blue baize pool table, a cheap table football game and a bloody awful “American 50s Diner” style juke box.
Poor old Bully.
on Feb 21st, 2009 at 8:10 am
When is this televisual feast on? I think I might like to watch it – I’m a sucker for car crash telly
on Feb 21st, 2009 at 8:31 am
Virgin 1 channel on Virgin Media. Brilliant.